Atomic Blonde (MA15+)
Starring: Charlize Theron, James McAvoy
Once upon a time, I thought I could quite happily watch Charlize Theron read the phone book for entertainment.
But Atomic Blonde has proven me wrong.
This one dropped to huge excitement – Charlize spying on the Russians in 1989 Berlin with a pumping ’80s soundtrack – tailor-made for the average child of the Cold War butting up uncomfortably against the reality of middle age, glasses and non-stop Islamic terrorism.
Plot-wise, she’s seeking “the list” – the name of every double-agent in the battle of East vs West. If the Russians have it, it will fuel the Cold War for another 20 years or so.
So there are some high stakes, and the nostalgic ’80s vibe of a simpler, gentle time when the principle of mutually assured destruction kept the white-hot nuclear megatonnage at bay.
But the simple truth is this: with Charlize’s cold British spy exterior, no emotional engagement, and a plot so convoluted that I swear I saw a quintuple-agent (I don’t even know what that is) this may be the moment the indomitable Charlize jumps the shark.
With so little left, we turn to the bone-smashing, head-shooting prospect of Charlize crunching her way through some Soviet thugs on the way to the wall coming down.
Might Charlize weigh 60 kilos? I don’t know, but I do know that, unless she is build like Svetlana from the Red October Tractor Factory, there is no way she’s taking on one ill-bred gentleman of the KGB – let alone five of them.
No. Way. In. Hell.
So while the moves are sharp, the suspension of disbelief is so great as to render the whole thing unbelievable.
(And don’t even get me started on how a spy is supposed to blend in, with those supermodel looks. Angelina Jolie in Salt, anyone?)
The usually reliable James McAvoy does what he can but, sadly, it is not enough.
Take your chances with the monkeys at war movie instead. In a crazy way, it makes more sense.
– Jason Beck
