Chan turns to kung foolery

– Melissa Meehan
I AM sad to say it, but Jackie Chan has officially sold out.
Known for his high-powered, kung fu-inspired comedies, The Spy Next Door is the worst Jackie Chan movie I have seen in a long time.
Walking up and down the aisles of my video store, to be honest the choices weren’t great, but when I cast my eye upon Jackie Chan’s face – I was sure I’d chosen a winner.
Well, I always knew it wouldn’t be an Oscar-winning performance, but I could always rely on the kung fu-inspired comedy of his movies.
I was wrong. I should have realised its true potential as a stinker when Billy Ray Cyrus, singer of Achy Breaky Heart, turned up as a CIA agent. Seriously.
But I kept watching – so had no-one to blame but myself.
For the first half I cannot remember anything that resembled the sort of move expected in a Jackie Chan movie. It reeked of Disney-like baddie versus goodie flicks.
There were no ladder tricks, no chair kung fu and definitely no kitchen fights. So disappointing.
Jackie’s character, the aptly named Bob Ho (how boring), is (we think) a straight-laced neighbour to his girlfriend Gillian, played by Amber Valetta.
Soon it is revealed he is a Chinese spy on loan to the CIA, who decides to leave the life of mystery behind to marry his true love.
But Russian criminals start searching for him, while he babysits Gillian’s three children. Trouble ensues, as do his fairly bland attempts at kung fu.
As expected he gets the girl, beats the crims and they all live as one big happy extended family.