Wild West turkey a real gobbler

The Lone Ranger (M)
Starring: Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, Tom Wilkinson
THE Lone Ranger fails on so many levels that the only real question that can be asked is why it was made in the first place.
Described as the Lone Ranger of the Caribbean, and more derisively as ‘So-so Silver’, the film has been widely panned by critics… who are right.
It begins with a hokey old technique of having a wizened Johnny Depp (Tonto) telling the tale of his youth to a young boy.
Annoyingly, this process is repeated throughout the film, ruining the flow and drawing out the already overlong proceedings interminably.
Cue bad guys, reluctant hero, yada yada – you know the rest.
And no amount of CGI and empty spectacle can paper over the cracks.
Oddly, Depp as sidekick Tonto is clearly the movie’s star, with Lone Ranger, little-known Armie Hammer, reduced to a subsidiary role.
That’s as strange as it sound, and about as successful as you’d think it would be.
As if that wasn’t weird enough, there’s some strangely out-of-kilter violence that adds a further jarring note to proceedings – like the bad guy who likes to chow down on his living victims’ hearts.
Wildly unenjoyable at the time of viewing, this film actually looks far worse as it rapidly recedes in your rearview mirror.
It reportedly tanked in the US – and if it can’t make it there, it can’t make it anywhere.
This turkey will do nothing but gobble your time – avoid at all costs.
Hopefully, any attempt to make a trilogy out of this re-heated leftover will be burnt beyond recognition in the oven of public opinion.
– Jason Beck

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