By Aneeka Simonis
KIDS shaped by a life of domestic violence are being remoulded as part of a post-crisis program which also provides peer support to recuperating mums seeking to put their broken family back together.
The program offered in Cardinia Shire, Casey and Dandenong seeks to stop the intergenerational cycle of violence often found in domestic abuse cases, and strengthens relationships between mothers and their children as they move away from their past.
Over eight-weeks, children are grouped together in play scenarios where they learn to deal with the consequences of not playing fairly, discover how to make friends, share and find constructive ways to halt abusive behaviours directed at them as part of the Beyond the Violence program hosted by Anglicare Victoria.
Mums also come together to talk about how they plan to heal and unite their family moving forward.
Anglicare Victoria’s south-east community services manager Cathie Valentine said both women and children thrive off praise and positive messaging, and the program is all about reaffirming their own sense of self-worth.
“These kids aren’t used to hearing praise. They are used to being put down or things constantly changing,” she said.
“They also have to learn how to do things differently like if they want people to play with them, they can’t hit them or if they want someone to play a game with them outside, they have to be prepared to share.”
“Verbal abuse in these families can be quite strong. We work at finding different ways to communicate which allows them to understand the damage done in communicating in that way.
“Often kids may have heard their dad apologising on behalf of their mum for being stupid, lazy and dumb. They are used to mum being denigrated.
“We challenge negative labels and help women feel empowered to get rid of the labels. We also work at positive messaging. It’s incredibly powerful for a woman who has been abused to hear nice things said about her.”
The program, which also including a whole family group session, has been running for about 10 years and has had a huge success rate.
Some 80 per cent of mothers reported their parenting had improved after taking part.
Most women are separated from their abuser when they begin the program, however some take part while their partner is undergoing a behavioural change programs.
“Most kids don’t want dad gone, they just want the violence and inconsistency and being frightened gone,” Ms Valentine said.
If you’re interested in taking part in an upcoming Beyond the Violence program, contact Cathie Valentine on cathie.valentine@anglicarevic.org.au
Anyone who is experiencing family violence can phone the Safe Steps 24/7 Family Violence Response Centre on 1800 015 188.
The Men’s Referral Service Victoria can be reached on 1300 766 491. Centrelink Family and Parents Line is 136 150.
