By Ian Ash
Many, many years ago in China, a wise old man was sitting by a road that connected two villages, both of which he knew very well.
Around about midday, a young man was walking along the road from the eastern village towards the western village and since he had not been there before decided to ask the old man what the people were like in the next village.
The wise old man considered his question and asked in return, “what were they like in the village you have just come from?”
The young man replied that they were friendly, hospitable and that he very much enjoyed their company to which the old man replied, “that is exactly what they are like in the next village” and so the young man carried on, looking forward to meeting the people at his destination.
Sometime later, another young man was setting out from the eastern village with the intent of going to the western village and similarly spotted the old man by the side of the road.
Since he too had not travelled there before, he decided to ask the old man what the people were like in the next village.
The wise old man listened to his question and once again asked, “what were they like in the village you have just come from?”
The young man said that they were unfriendly, difficult to get on with and that he was very pleased to have left the village.
The old man replied, “that is exactly what they are like in the next village”.
This story, based on an old Chinese parable, illustrates the point that often when we start to see patterns arise in our interaction with others, it may well be that the nature of these interactions is more due to our own personal nature than that of those we interact with.
If the interactions are positive, then this is great and clearly we should do more of the same.
However, if the interactions are not pleasant, perhaps we need to look at how our own behaviour may be contributing to this.
This is not necessarily easy to do, but if we are serious about improving our personal relationships, it is essential.
Last week, I spent a day with a fun and lively team from the financial sector in our local area.
One of the exercises we did was to complete a simple questionnaire that highlighted the natural behavioural styles of each team member and showed visually the team’s overall natural dynamic.
Not only was this a fun exercise to do, we used it to discuss how we can identify different patterns and use this knowledge to communicate better with those that we interact with.
It highlights the fact that different styles place different emphases on communication elements and so by understanding the nature of the person you are talking to, you stand a greater chance of communicating more effectively by taking this into consideration.
For example, if you are a results- oriented person who is keen to get things done, then by talking to someone who is primarily people-oriented, getting straight into how your idea will create bottom-line improvements may not necessarily grab their interest as they will be looking for the impact on people.
Equally, someone who is process-oriented and likes things done in a formal way may not find it easy to appreciate a new way of doing things if presented by someone who is creative and ideas-oriented but has not taken the time to describe how the idea would actually work in practice.
Perhaps thinking about this may cause you to reframe the age-old adage of ‘treat others how you would like to be treated’ into ‘treat others how they would like to be treated’ since clearly we do not all want to be treated in quite the same way!
Ian Ash is the managing director for OrgMent Business Solutions.
