The Loneliest Planet (M)
Starring: Gael Garcia Bernal
THE following is not a DVD review; it is a public service announcement.
Do not watch, hire, buy or download The Loneliest Planet under any circumstances.
Failure to heed this warning will lead to bafflement, anger, boredom and confusion, all followed by a deep sense of loss for the $7.70 and two hours wasted on this “film”.
This is what happens during the 113 minute endurance test:
– A young, loving and lustful couple go bush walking in the Georgian wilderness with a guide.
– They meet a man who points a gun at Gael Garcia Bernal’s character, who momentarily hides behind his girlfriend before acting more chivalrously.
– The girlfriend kisses the guide.
In two hours, this is all that happens to further the story.
Sure, they walk through some truly spectacular scenery and then walk through more truly spectacular scenery, but that doesn’t compensate for the almost complete lack of anything actually happening.
No dialogue. No action. No tension. No suspense. No anything.
The front cover promised that it was an “Official Selection” at least six film festivals, showing that being different – and this film is very different – is often enough to gain the plaudits of the arthouse film community.
The critics may have liked it, but they would have thought the Emperor looked fabulous in his new outfit.
– Danny Buttler