By ANEEKA SIMONIS
RESPECTFUL relationships start in the home.
John Veloso, of Officer, is father to three boys aged 6 – 10.
He said he and his wife Laura never undermined each other when parenting their kids – a tactic to subliminally instil gender equality values into the impressionable boys.
“My wife and I believe in being unified in our approach and do our best not to undermine each other,” he explained.
“If my wife makes a decision on something or tells the boys they need to do something, I don’t go against that. I respect what my wife requested of the boys and reinforce it.”
Mr Veloso, who also works in youth engagement in the municipality, said there were times he thought they could “do things differently”, but said the denotation of supporting his wife is the most important lesson his boys could learn.
“It’s about respecting and modelling support toward my wife, so hopefully when the kids are older, they will have learnt the value in supporting their future partners,” he said.
Violent, dismissive or neglectful attitudes and behaviours inflicted on or observed by children have a tendency to tick over into their adults lives.
Studies have found adults who were abused or witness abuse as children are at increased risk of intergenerational abuse or neglect compared to those who were not maltreated as children.
Research also suggests that adults, particularly women, who were victimised as children are at risk of re-victimisation in later life.
Mr Veloso’s strong advocacy for early intervention hopes to end violent or unequal attitudes before they are dangerously rebirthed in subsequent generations.
He spreads the message through boys-only ‘relationship’ education programs rolled out in Cardinia Shire schools under council’s Youth Outreach service.
The program helps Year 9 boys identify what a healthy and unhealthy relationship looks like and issues around consent.
“These boys are in middle school, so it’s right in the peak of their adolescent stage so they are figuring themselves out,” he said.
“We look at how families and people around us shape who we are and why we think a certain way in a relationship … . Especially when it comes to boys and how they view women and where those views come from.
“We have had some great lightbulb moments.
“Sometimes there is a sense of entitlement with boys when there are things like ‘you let me kiss you, so that means we can go further’. But we teach them that is not always the case and a girl is entitled to change her mind.
“Boys need to respect that.
“We help them think outside what they want and be mindful of the other person at that time. We also teach them body cues.”
Girls-only classes are also available to young women in the shire, focused on teaching them self-respect and respect of others.
A major family violence overhaul is now in place to break the vicious cycle of abuse endangering homes across Cardinia Shire.
A two-day Together We Can assault was launched on the issue of domestic violence in the shire weeks ago, resulting in short-term and long-term plans to end the scourge.
In the next 100-days, numerous actions are being rolled out to harness victims with the information, support and strength needed to leave a violent relationship as well as bolster prevention, early intervention and reformation services for perpetrators.
To join the fight against family violence or see what’s planned to fight violence in local homes, search Together We Can on Facebook or visit www.togetherwecan.org.au.
Anyone who is experiencing family violence can phone the safe steps 24/7 Family Violence Response Centre on 1800 015 188 or 1800 RESPECT.
